Pagination Is Evil And You Shouldn’t Do It

So I was browsing the web looking for something that would piss me off enough to write a snarky column that would make you, dear reader, equally pissed off. At me, most likely, as that is usually how it goes. Or rather, how it used to go, the last few columns have been so cute and cozy that I feel a bit nauseous. I know my fellow overlords (note: not actually my fellows) breathe a bit easier when I’m not pissing off the WordPress community, or at least I like to think that’s why I haven’t been kicked out just yet, but still, this is getting a bit boring right?

Enter the RSS reader, enter Stumbleupon, enter the WordPress support forums, enter Twitter, enter a wee bit too much to drink… And then I forgot about what I was doing.

Deadlines won’t go away even though they slip my mind, and my trusty calendar reminded me that I need to turn something in this week as well. How else will I afford bathing in champagne and gorging in caviar and bacon? Yeah, I have simple taste, live with it.

Hungover and worked to the bone I decided to check out the site I’m writing for, this WPMU.org thing that is all the craze, or so my PR rep keeps telling me. And what do I see?

I’ll tell you in a bit. First, enjoy this video:

Ah, good times.

Now that we’re all in a good mood, let me tell you this:

If you follow this tutorial, published on this very site and written by Joe who I bet is a super nice guy who will hate me after I hit publish, on how to paginate your posts, then you deserve so much pain, so much anguish, so much of the bad kind of nasty that you just won’t understand what on Earth you were thinking of when you decided to paginate your post!

Seriously.

You should be ashamed.

You should hurt.

Don’t ever split up posts in multiple pages. That’s just plain evil and I don’t care how awesome you might be, how ground breaking your content might be, how many fucking unicorns you save with each page on your post, *it is evil and wrong and so are you!*

Also, I haven’t taken my medication today.

PS. I really hate paginated posts. Don’t do it.

Image credit: Bryan (CC)