Distributed Processing Model for Multisite & Plugin Management

I had grand visions for what I would be able to do once I was on VPS hosting and rid from the webhost's shackles that limited my use of BuddyPress on shared hosting.

Ah, yes, the visions. They grew and grew and I followed the big boys at WPMUdev blue.

So here I am trying to create one such vision and I do real fine up until a certain time. The limit of memory efficiency peaks and things go white, refresh, white, refresh, white, refresh, load. Ugh, my hair loss grows.

I've done all I can with my limited resources. I thought WordPress had thought of these things, but they haven't, yet, it would seem. Or maybe it is for the big houses with the big boy toys and the crews to code that can only do these things. Either way, it's just unfair. :wink:

We've got multisite installed and if I load all my plugins that tie together nicely with BuddyPress and the extended profiles then I dramatically increase my page load times -- there has to be a way around this.

Subdomains, I decided. BuddyPress Network Activated. Directory plugin on another sub, Fundraiser on another sub, Q&A on the main domain and the multisite capability to have it all run smoothly on the main site/pages.

Nope, not with my skill level. No options anywhere for this. Every subdomain is treated as a separate and uniquely independent install for a client. Really?

Can't we turn on switch like we do to activate multisite - a switch that identifies which subdomain installs are tied together with the main domain so more distributed processing can serve 1) the backend admin better, and 2) page load and site operatability for the front end?

Can a plugin be developed that could do this?

Is there a plugin that can do this?

Is this just something for people with their own tech teams and skills to tackle?