how can I configure the emails my users get? and more

Hi

I want to configure some stuff inside messaging. Can I only do it through the hardcore php? or can you suggest some easier solution.

several things I need:
1. I want to HTML the emails my users get to their email
2. I want them only to get a message that he has a message and he needs to log in and see. I don't want my users to know each other emails
3.where can I see the user's correspondence?

thanks in advanced.
Guy