How the hell does this work ugh!!!!!!

I am so confused! I have downloaded i have paid for this premium thing, I have paid godaddy to host my site (I thought I did that when I registered my domain but I guess this is another monthly fee). I have read hours upon hours of "Beginners" Manuals. I can't even get to my admin page. I follow every direction to a tee and I just keep ending up on some crappy godaddy web builder. Does this premium thing even connect with my website at all or do I have to download everything to my own computer and ftp it back to the website? I can't find anything on the web that explains any of this in plain english. I am 37 years old and I have used computer all my life but this makes no sense at all! Ive paid a bunch of money and spent hours working on this and got absolutely nowhere! Any suggestions to just get started? I can't even find my wordpress blog anywhere any longer!!