membership ipn forwarder not respnding to 2checkout and paypal

now we are going to take it one step further..

i have another single install wp site xyz.com/wp
membership plugin installed and setup
added an entry to my ipn forwarder in my original mu intall
coupon works
paypal process payments go thru i see ipn history OK
( payapl account did not have funds so it is waiting for funds) ie pending
but in my xyz.com/wp membership there is no update to the member as if the user never paid no change in the membership
i tried to use 2checkout .. it take the funds and never sends ipn so no user in membership.
what could be a problem